(the news is so depressing these days)

Earlier this month, Arizona governor Jan Brewer signed a gun law allowing Arizonans to carry concealed arms without the hassle a permit. But more recently, in the wake of SB 1070 and the "birther bill", authorities are warning Arizona residents to keep their homestate identities to themselves while traveling outside the state.

"It's just not safe for Arizonans to travel around openly anymore," says Tyrone Terranova of the Arizona Board for Styrofoam Consumption. "A friend of a friend told me about a guy that was harassed in Portland after someone overhead that he was from (Arizona)." (Update: apparently there was a lot of cocaine and "hipster drama" involved. No one can really remember much of anything.)

"This is just terrible," says Arizona resident Darryl Herwig. "I remember just after 9/11 when I was backpacking through Europe. They said that it wasn't safe for Americans so I did my best to fake a South African accent. But someone from South Africa thought I was making fun of them and they beat me up pretty bad."

With the summer heat rapidly approaching, many Arizonans will have to put their vacation plans on hold. "I just don't know what to do" says Garrett Balcos. "All these other states have it totally backwards. I don't feel safe most places because they don't allow me to carry my pistol under my jacket. It's scary to know that some violent, cracked out Mexican or gay-wad could attack me and I would be totally defenseless."

Senator John McCain, typically a centrist on border issues, has half-heartedly embraced the new bill for fear of losing his Senate seat to J.D. "marry-a-horse" Hayworth in the upcoming midterm elections.

"I was born and raised in Arizona," says resident Greg McCumber. "It was hard to, but I fought hard against the prevailing Arizona winds and learned how to read and write." Greg is one of tens of thousands of Arizona residents with IQ scores above 85 that have been voicing their outrage on social media websites like Facebook and Twitter while thousands more are engaging in protests.